Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan
TV's top comedians spent the broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration initiative, called the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the rich.
The Late Show's Witty Spin
Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."
The focus was the controversial plan that permits international nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. A government page promises approval "with unprecedented speed."
"One note for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He pointed out that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.
"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval numbers amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.
This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.